Whether you’ve been taught this or not, your thoughts are one of your greatest assets and resources. What you think influences how you feel, and how you feel influences how you behave.
If you think you can’t learn something, you’re less likely to try. If you think something is possible, you’re more likely to keep going, even when it’s hard.
But this isn’t just about goals. Your thoughts reflect how you relate not only to other people, but also to yourself, and how you see your place in the world.
Whether someone just wants to feel a little better, create boundaries, build resilience, be successful, or have healthier relationships, these things all begin with thoughts. That’s why everyone needs some kind of tool or approach for working with their thoughts.
Why This Matters
Most people don’t think about their thoughts at all. Not because they don’t care, but because they were never taught that they needed to.
In fact, many of us were encouraged to ignore our thoughts or push them away—usually through distractions like scrolling, staying busy, or tuning out. A lot of current advice around overthinking still leans in that direction. Being told to “just distract yourself” isn’t actually helpful, especially in an environment where distraction is already everywhere.
It’s no wonder so many people feel stressed, overwhelmed, or like they can’t control their own minds. People start to believe they are their thoughts, or that their thoughts define them, or that their thoughts are controlling them.
What’s actually happening is different. We can’t control every thought that shows up, but we can control which thoughts we give our attention to. We can learn to sort through them, recognize which ones matter and which ones don’t deserve our energy.
Because most people have never been taught how to do this, they need some kind of direction to get started and to keep prioritizing healthier thoughts.
The ICE Method
The ICE Method is a simple way to take control of your thoughts.
It involves identifying, challenging, and evaluating the thoughts that are getting in your way.
For example, if someone wants to achieve a goal but feels stuck or keeps thinking they can’t do it, the first step is to identify the thought that’s holding them back. In this case, it’s the belief that they can’t do it.
Once that thought is identified, it can be challenged. This might look like finding evidence of other people who have achieved similar goals, or reminding yourself of times when you accomplished things you once thought were impossible for you.
After challenging the thought, the next step is to evaluate it. This means asking how adopting the new thought would actually help. How would believing this is possible change your behavior? How would it affect your motivation, your effort, or your willingness to try?
Focusing on the more helpful thought creates emotional awareness and motivation, which makes it more likely that you’ll take action and stick with it long enough to make progress.
Getting Started
The ICE Method is simple to understand, but it can be difficult to apply at first. Not because it’s complicated, but because most people were never taught how to pay attention to their thoughts in this way.
To get started, it helps to accept that you’re going to notice things about yourself that you may not have paid attention to before. This can feel uncomfortable at times, but it’s part of learning how your mind actually works.
You can use the ICE Method in real time, when a difficult thought comes up. You can also use it reflectively. For example, you might think back to a time when you wanted to do something but didn’t. From there, you can ask yourself what thoughts were present in that moment and which ones may have been holding you back.
You can then ask what thoughts would have helped instead, and how thinking that way might have changed how you felt or what you did. While you can’t change the past, you can change how you relate to it. Seeing old thought patterns more clearly makes it easier to recognize them when they show up again and choose a different response.
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